Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i love accidental penises.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
