I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
