there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
