Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
