wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
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Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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