I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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