My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
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Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
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If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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