I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
