I'm so fucking centered right now
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
