It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
