Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
