the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
