Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
tell me about the eggs
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
