went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
