Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
