Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
