If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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