So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
me + whiskey = a bad person
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
