Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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