Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I supernannyed him into submission
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
