girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
