He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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