My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
