last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
