Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
