He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
