so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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