your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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