Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
