just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
We had sex on a dog bed..
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
