I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
