i would punch a child for taco bell
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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