Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
