I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
