Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
