i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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