Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
