that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
