We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
