this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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