im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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