Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
