If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
im having a threesome with these popsicles
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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