I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
