If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm sobbing to NWA
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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