I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
