I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
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I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
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Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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