Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
So much rum. So many feels.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
