so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Randomize
