My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
