I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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