Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
