Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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