It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
