so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Less talking, more tequila
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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