This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize