There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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