Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
