they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
