I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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