It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
