You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
