There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
My life is pants optional.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
