You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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