i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
