3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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