so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
