yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
They have beer where we have blood.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
