I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
