you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
