I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
