It's a beautiful day for a hangover
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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