the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
